The kind of guy you dream about

So those that know me, (and even some who don't actually know me) know that I am pretty much the definition of a fanfic whore! I love me some fanfic though I don't understand why I am so drawn to it. Maybe it's feeling like you pretty much already know the characters (at least knowing what they look like) so you don't really have to use the imagination so much. Yep, that's probably it..... I have a lazy imagination. :)

Any way..... I love me some fic and I love to see how the love stories develop. Sometimes the guy is the rugged, hard character, and other times he is this amazing, caring, and supportive guy. I am currently reading a story and this guy is just about so perfect it makes you want to smack him. Really, yes, guys have a romantic and at times thoughtful streak in them, but what guy lives in that mold 24/7. I guess that is why it's called FICTION! So, while I do love the story I am reading, especially because it is lacking in the angst department (which can be a bit much for me at times), I don't whole heartedly love this guy. I started thinking about my husband and how the two differ and the similarities between the two. Hah! That's some funny stuff. This guy is possessive to the point of being over protective of his love interest; my husband tends to fall into that mold. It's annoying at times, but very sweet in other ways. He's eased up in the years we've been together and has realized that he has to let me stand on my own and make up my own mind some times. He's not my father after all (thank God for that). This guy does over the top and yet still oh so sweet simple romantic gestures. My husband, he tries, God love him, he does, but I believe the romance in grand gestures flies out the window when kids enter the picture. There's very little time for that. So, that got me thinking.... what is my dream guy? So, here it is:

My dream guy is the very best friend I have. Someone that I can talk to about anything and spend so much time laughing and cutting up with. He's someone that I can depend on; that no matter what, I know he's going to have my back. He's someone that puts me first and loves me, silliness, quirkiness, faults, and all. He knows my dreams, my heart, and most of my secrets. So the thing is, though I enjoy me some fic, I think I've got my dream guy. He is a HEAVY dose of reality. I mean seriously; what fanfic guy walks around farting, scratching their nuts, and picking their nose... none but where's the reality in that. No, I don't find any of those traits endearing, however, I grind my teeth when I sleep, cry at stupid sitcoms, and have little patience for idiocy.... so there's the reality; accepting one another, overlooking the annoying habits, and finding out that there is no one else you'd rather be with. I don't get flowers delivered (because I'd kill him for wasting money on something that dies), have romantic getaways (no one to watch our kids), or the other HUGE gestures in these stories, but I get a guy who comes home every night and kisses me, regardless of the fact that I'm sleeping when he gets home, who calls me throughout the day just to see how my day is going, and who brings me breakfast when I have a craving for a chicken biscuit. He is my everything and I am a damn lucky girl!

No doubt about it!

So, Mother's Day weekend was packed full of annoyances and frustrations galore, but luckily I survived without causing bodily harm to anyone :) This morning, I got up came to work and almost breathed in a huge breath of relief, knowing that the weekend was behind me and another busy week lies ahead. I am one of those mom's who can't seem to find a minute to sit still, unless it's late at night when the world sleeps. I heap more and more onto my plate and though it can be frustrating at times, I find it fulfilling too. Yeah, I know, I'm a glutton for punishment.

But, I just had a very wonderful reminder of why I put forth the effort. I am involved with a non-profit organization. This organization is so incredibly dear to my heart and though my role is one of the behind the scenes, it means the world to me. This year, our annual fund raiser was almost canceled for one reason or another. Then, a few weeks ago, a major contributor (a large medical foundation in our area) pulled through to sponsor our event. With little time to plan, I wasn't sure if it was going to happen. It didn't look as though our turnout was going to be worth it, but my oh my how the winds turn. Our attendance all of the sudden sky rocketed and now we are going to be able to provide for more families and are even giving a family a car at our event. I am not the most radical christian that one would ever come across, but when things like that; unreal, spectacular things occur, how can one not be thankful and and recognize the faithfulness of God. I am so small in the overall scheme of things and feel so amazingly grateful for the goodness and mercy of a higher power that sees the hearts of those little people and comes through, again and again! I'm sitting here literally amazed and fighting back tears that a plan has come together and more hurting families will be blessed because of it! This day is turning out to be just what I needed.

Just thinking

I was talking to a friend today, and she was explaining the hardships she has been facing lately. It seems as though a lot of our friends or acquaintences are going through some sort of struggle, especially financially. It honestly hurt my heart to listen to her talking about losing her home among other things. It got me thinking about the past year. Our finances have done a complete 180 this year. For some reason, and I'm sure I'll never understand why, but we're finding ourselves in a good place financially. When so many others are hurting and struggling, I almost find myself ashamed of the fact that for once, in all of the years I've been with my husband, we aren't struggling. Is it because we've made our bad choices earlier in our relationship and we've learned from those mistakes? I'm not sure. What's sad is that I try not to talk about our good fortune because I am not one to brag nor do I want to appear as trying to pour salt in a friend's wound, but the few people I've told (and they have been few) I've had at least one walk away from me. Isn't friendship about encouraging friends when they are down and cheering them on when things are well in their lives (despite your own situation)? I had a friend tell me a while back that she was choosing to distance herself from me because it was too hard to be my friend when my life seems perfect. Said friend was there when I was filing bankruptcy, going through multiple miscarriages, and watching as my marriage almost fell apart and I entered the darkest time in my life. I guess I don't understand. I know they say that misery loves company, but wow, really?!? My life is not perfect; far from it, actually, but I will look at my lot in life and smile and regardless of the friends I keep, recognize that for some reason, I'm walking on the brighter side of life today. I'm happy AND content. I don't feel the need to compete with those around me nor do I feel the need to always strive for more. I'm content in who I am and with what I have. That's no easy feat, but it's one I choose today; to be content and not to allow any one to take that away from me. Does it stop my heart from breaking when a friend shares their struggles? Absolutely not! That's who I am, an empathetic person. I will support them and love them through their situation, because I have the strength when they don't. Don't we all need that in life? Somewhere, someone loved me in my rough patches, so I will do the same for those I can. If others try to distance themselves from me or push me away, of course it will hurt, but I'm not going to let that ruin the person I am. You can't force your friendship on others and as much as it hurts, you have to realize that there comes a time when you have to let go. So, I will focus on the good things, the positive things, and be proud of who I am. That's all, my heart was heavy so I thought I'd share.