Thursday, May 5, 2011

Just thinking

I was talking to a friend today, and she was explaining the hardships she has been facing lately. It seems as though a lot of our friends or acquaintences are going through some sort of struggle, especially financially. It honestly hurt my heart to listen to her talking about losing her home among other things. It got me thinking about the past year. Our finances have done a complete 180 this year. For some reason, and I'm sure I'll never understand why, but we're finding ourselves in a good place financially. When so many others are hurting and struggling, I almost find myself ashamed of the fact that for once, in all of the years I've been with my husband, we aren't struggling. Is it because we've made our bad choices earlier in our relationship and we've learned from those mistakes? I'm not sure. What's sad is that I try not to talk about our good fortune because I am not one to brag nor do I want to appear as trying to pour salt in a friend's wound, but the few people I've told (and they have been few) I've had at least one walk away from me. Isn't friendship about encouraging friends when they are down and cheering them on when things are well in their lives (despite your own situation)? I had a friend tell me a while back that she was choosing to distance herself from me because it was too hard to be my friend when my life seems perfect. Said friend was there when I was filing bankruptcy, going through multiple miscarriages, and watching as my marriage almost fell apart and I entered the darkest time in my life. I guess I don't understand. I know they say that misery loves company, but wow, really?!? My life is not perfect; far from it, actually, but I will look at my lot in life and smile and regardless of the friends I keep, recognize that for some reason, I'm walking on the brighter side of life today. I'm happy AND content. I don't feel the need to compete with those around me nor do I feel the need to always strive for more. I'm content in who I am and with what I have. That's no easy feat, but it's one I choose today; to be content and not to allow any one to take that away from me. Does it stop my heart from breaking when a friend shares their struggles? Absolutely not! That's who I am, an empathetic person. I will support them and love them through their situation, because I have the strength when they don't. Don't we all need that in life? Somewhere, someone loved me in my rough patches, so I will do the same for those I can. If others try to distance themselves from me or push me away, of course it will hurt, but I'm not going to let that ruin the person I am. You can't force your friendship on others and as much as it hurts, you have to realize that there comes a time when you have to let go. So, I will focus on the good things, the positive things, and be proud of who I am. That's all, my heart was heavy so I thought I'd share.

1 comment:

  1. I proud of you, and happy for you and your family...and you should be allowed to feel the same way openly without the fear of being judged.

    So when are you coming up? LOL