For those who know me, most of them would consider me to be a pretty upbeat kind of gal. I have an extremely silly streak to me, and my God I love Twilight... what more is there to say? That alone speaks volumes for my character, right? LOL!
Instead of honing in on my great personality, I need to rant for a few minutes, and this seems like just the place to do it. This weekend SUCKED! Not just the kinda sucks, a little sucks, or even mildly sucks, I mean SUCKED ASS of great porportions! First and foremost in my life, I am a mom. That characterization of me is so deeply embedded in me, that some times I forget I am anything else; mostly my own person. But this weekend, the momma came out like never before. I have had people hurt my kids feelings or left them feeling down, and yes, of course I want to make it better. This weekend, I had someone DEVASTATE my children; wounding them so deeply that I actually want to cause bodily harm to this individual. Kids are so loving by nature, maybe that's just mine, but they are. Saturday, my poor kids had to experience the loss of their favorite family pet. This wouldn't have been such a hard thing to stomach if it was "her time to go" or if she had been sick. But no, some bastard (and I use that term loosely) purposely ran down our family dog. She was 9 years old and was basically unable to run quickly, but he sped up to get her. REALLY!?! Who the hell does that?!? My kids were devastated, that's not even the word for it; their little hearts were shattered that not only had we lost her, but that someone would dare to that just because they are hateful. I spent so much of my weekend keeping myself together to love on them, but when they left yesterday for sleepover's, I fell apart. Yes, I loved our pet. She was the most gentle, loving animal I have ever come accross, but moreso, my heart broke for my kids and the taste of reality they got this weekend. To watch my oldest child, hyperventilate when he found her and for him to blame himself for not realizing she got out sooner. To watch my daughter shake with grief. To watch my youngest, freak out with need for a piece of paper because he had no idea how else to express the pain he was experiencing... the pain of hurting, but also worrying he'd forget her and the only way to relieve it was for him to draw a picture. Those are scenes that will forever be etched in my mind and heart as a mom. There was nothing I could do but love them, but I felt so insignificant in those moments. I want to find the jerk who did this to my kids and make him look them in the eye and realize that it wasn't just something he did on a whim, he robbed my kids of a piece of their innocence.
The past few weeks have been harsh all around, mostly stress and frustrations. I have to hope for better days around the bend and for brighter days to come. Yes, everything will fade in time, but sometimes it hard to see those days as not being so far away. For now, my heart hurts and I'm more frustrated than I was before; hypersensitive to things, and looking forward to finding solace in the quite times tonight. So, here's hoping I will find my silly side in a few days, and I'm sure I'll be back here when I do. Like I said, I just needed to vent and get my rant out of the way. Some times you just need to do that. Ok, rant over.